The King of Intoxication XD

Yo, ho ho >>;?

2003-05-19T23:32:14Z

OKAY. I am now able to say I've healed... and I direct you to my new lj.

HERE. CLICK. HERE. :B

comment to add, isn't hard at all, dears

jrawker @ 2003-01-01T00:00:00

2003-01-01T06:00:38Z

HAPPY NEW YEAR XDDDDD

A warning

2002-12-27T05:04:24Z

A public post saying I removing a few people who I no longer care about... I really just don't give a fuck and easily put you -don't- deserve to read my journal...

a note you -you- fuck you and don't bother... k?

Quizzies ^^;;;

2002-12-20T01:29:05Z

This wil be my first public post for a while... eh ^^;

Which Cowboy Bebop Character are you?

Who is Your Cowboy Bebop Soul Mate?

o_____O;; m'kies then?

Yi-seul sent me this cute "Jingle Bell Rock" song... and it wont... get... out... of... my... HEAD O_O;

BWAHAHAAAA

2002-11-19T04:57:27Z

Drain // X-Japan

Talk to me troubled brain
And if you feel my pain
So much hurting that's living in my head
Now I can barely breathe
And now my heart's diseased
And my name and my life has been stepped on and on!

You made a fool of me
There is no way out
(I'm) going down the drain

The name of God in vain
You pushed me I'm insane
Dissolution is knocking on my door
Can't stop my bitter tears
Can't take away my fears
Body and soul is blown up in pieces

Oh Cry out I want to be free
Dry out I want to know truth (truth!)

Let me drain! (drain drain drain drain) my feelings out (drain drain drain
drain)
Lough like a drain (drain drain drain drain), my emotions scream (drain
drain drain)
Let me drain!

So I can speak my mind?
Anata sae mo Blind!
I am left in a land with just solitude
Has this become my fate
Who's next to be your bait?
Vicious cycle repeating on and on!

Oh Cry out I want to be loved
Dry out I want to see dreams (dreams!)
Oh Cry out I want to be free (free!)
Dry out I want to know truth (truth!)

Let me drain! (drain drain drain drain drain drain) my feelings out (drain
drain drain drain drain drain)
Lough like a drain (drain drain drain drain drain drain), my emotions scream
(drain drain)
Let me drain! (drain drain) my feelings out (drain drain)
Lough like a drain, (drain drain)
Let me drain!

Friends only ^_^

2002-11-11T04:38:55Z

If you want to be on my friends list and read my twisted thoughts... by all means, add a comment about adding me and add me, and I shall add you back ^_^;

Amazing...

2002-11-11T03:48:33Z

I love my friends ^_^; *hugs them and hops off*

>.>;

2002-11-11T02:25:29Z

I give up on everything. They can think what they think... hell.... everyone can be happy on their own anyways... don't expect me on for the next... forever -.-....

=D!

2002-11-10T23:55:58Z

AHHH HA HA HA HA!!! MY CD BURNER WORKS!~

*jumps about with gleeeee*

Rosie is annoying. I hate her. I loathe her. I hope she knows I'm writing about her ^_^. I hope she knows I hate her very existance.... anyways =D

I have more RAM... my computer.... LIKE.... WORKS O_O;;;

Oh and o.o; I am tooo busy to come on tonight x.o; sorreh folks! *notes her friends are tooo important.*

Rosie is back... someone kill her already. I hate her ^_^!

Burned 2 cds.... maybe I should delete winmx so rosie can't burn anything >_>;;; *is a heartless beast too ^_^;*

O__o; oh and... um.... *uses her brain for a second* Nicole is still over =D; LOL >>; I make it sound like shes a bad person. *note* my typing is sucky o_o;... (nicole: indeed it is.)

Anyways... before my sister eats my soul -.-; BYEEE =D

Bah -.-;

2002-11-10T21:29:47Z

I'm alittle EHHHH IMA GUNNA KILL YOU like right now x.x;

Nicole is spending the night tonight ^^;...

I have a cd burner BUT IT REFUSES TO WORK ><

I have a lj community o_o; indeed.... mananess indeeed...

I was going to go to meet Cami and friends over the weekend BUT NOOO MY MOM DECIDED TO BE EEEEVIL ><

Anyways... I'm going to try to work on my burner x.o;;

Tralalala o.o;

2002-11-09T02:14:49Z

~~Michelle~~..... er.... um Michael is letting me stay for a few hours... seems Nicki is pregnant with another one of my cousins babies... AND THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED >< I find it a tad disgusting... Obe is my cousin... and my other cousin is Nicki... Nicki and Obe are cousins as well... Well.... sorta... Jay is Nicki and my cousin. But... Jay is the step brother to Obe. I don't know how it all works, but in my mind, it is still incest. They have 2 kids together now, and are getting married sometime near my brithday -.-;.

Well.... nothing new has happened... Well... actually something did happen @@;.

My computer has an internal error. A FUCKING INTERNAL ERROR. Jay is working on my computer right now. Thank god for having smart cousins @@;.

For all the people that made the basketball teams at their schools and I happen to know about it....
CONGRADUALATIONS TISHA, KISHA, TASHA, NOEMI, MEGAN, AND KATELYNNN!

o.o;... Jay says the computer is screwed.... badly. Oo; but he said it'll be -kind of- okay when he's done reformatting it. He said I need a new hard disk, more RAM, AND then my virtual memory is shot... WTF?! I'm pissed there. My parents bouh all the stuff we needed before, the RAM, extra memory, and all that good stuff, and it STILL doesn't work?! He basically told me that my computer is screwed forever, because 1. The virus' killed it 2. Bugs in Rosey's folders jacked it up, then 3. The computer was $400 after rebates.... cheap ne? He also added.... I need to slow down on my downloading. He has AOL 8.0... platanium(sp?) likeeee.

Anyways... if anything important arrises and you -MUST- talk to me... heres meh email!jrawker@attbi.com

Tomorrrrrow O____o;;; CANT WAITTTTT *screams and spazzes*
People I'll probably meet:
cottonwood_rain(most definately)
skyeness(she should be there =D)
broken_windows(she might not come x.x;)
And... a heard of Cami's friends. =D

Kevvie: Sakito is good... but Miyabi is alittle freakeh... personally I like Kikasa and Sakito *-*;;;;... Miyabi can well.... I dunno o.o; I LOATHE THAT DRUMMER OF DUE'LE QUARTZ *doesn't even know the name cause she hates him so*

eye twitches and screams

2002-11-07T23:25:01Z

HOW THE HELL DO YOU WORK AN APPLE?!
*clicking sounds... loud... echoing clicking sounds in the library*
I made an oopppsie 2 days ago >>;. Well... You know that personal usage on the school computers? I was caught through the temp files and a certain BITCH NAMED JESSICA. >< God damnit. I'm stuck working on an old.... ickle... Mac like computer -_-; and might I add... I'M SO BANNED LIKE HELL. I'm not even allowed to go on yahoo.com ;___; Such idiocy has gotten me here... This mouse.... is impossible... to work ;-;.

Anyways.... I'm kind of confused on where I stand and stuff... the real world really gets me thinking sometimes.

More-ness... Heh, my parents made me pay for the repairs on my ether card >< $57.... thats more than the card itself. It seemed that... well... something ate a part of it... I'm like... WTF >>?!. I wont be getting it back till Saturday or Sunday... I'm still trying to pay it off x.x;

Well... since I'm banned from anything good... livejournal seems good enough. Might as well get cracking on Bekkeh's layout x__o; *should actually be researching some stuff.... but got easily distracted*

Guess everyone is doing okay, I mean it... everyboddddy. Even the 4 bitches that made my week a hellous one -.-;... lemme repeat.... EVERYONEEEEE. >>;

AH AH AH WAAAAIT

This saturday.... I AM MEETING CAMI!!!! YAYYYYY. MY MOM... IS SOOO.... FUCKING... COOOOL. She is actually letting me meet someone... online... omg omg omg. Her mom and my mom talked... and they worked out an arangement.... HEHEHE ^___^; (Lilli and a few others might come tooo =D)

I have this strange feeling that I might not like the changes some people have had when I come back... eh.... anyways... BEFORE I GET CAUGHT ><

Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

oh isnt that dandy glares at her ether card

2002-11-06T00:39:10Z

Well, seems I wont be online until my parents by me a new ether card for my cable. I've been wondering why I haven't been able to do diddly on the computer.

My ether card literally broke o_o;...

I'm like... WTF and a bunch of cussing.

It's a joy, really.... okay... maybe not. It sucks cause I've been dieing to talk to people. I've been being an ass lately, I guess... analysis on that: OH HEY HEY... LISA HAD PMS O_O;?!

Indeed... I hate those little suprises.

And I know you all hate hearing about.... THAT.

Somewhat of an update:
New guy at school. I loathe him... I FUCKING WANT TO KILL THE LITTLE FUCKING ASSWIPE/ASSRAMMER HE IS. Rachel and I were drawing in lunch today... yep... fun. and then.... Eric says... "You 2 really suck. I draw much better." Then he draws this.... "Demon dog..." which looked like... a puffball drawn by my brother. (My brother is a shitty artist x___o;;;;) We laughed. Mary is going to have me spend the night next weekend... not this one... next one o_o;... Mary is nice @@; she's a junior, and and and... um o_o; she's coool =D. Okay, since we're on the school subject oo; HOW THE FUCKING HELL DO YOU GET A.. A..... 44% IN BIOLOGY O___o?! Well.... if it was impossible, it isn't anymore. Then again, this quarter I missed 5 days already. If I keep it up, I'll be dropped from all my classes and then be asked to go to night school. David went to night school last year o_o;... He liked it.

Oh yea, I love my neighbor for letting me use her computer, THANKS CINDDDDY @@;.

I must be getting back to those blessed sparknotes... I need them badly >>;

I'll try to see if I can get on anytime soon. Cindy doesn't like kids using her AIM >>; She's 35.... I guess she has authority over me oo;...

Jaaaaa oo;

EEp. Quick short update

2002-11-04T21:47:52Z

Lmao... silly me... I forgot those 4 people dont have lj @_@; so that whole last post was useless... damnit

Using the school computers is fun when you shouldn't be on them for 'personal' usage like... email and bloggers...

Anyways... BACK TO MY PAPER @___@;

I didn't want to use Lj-cut cause 4 of you deserve to read this post of doom.

2002-11-04T11:03:23Z

I never could fall asleep. I layed in bed for 5 hours or so... grumbling on how I hate my life so much. Grumbling on the people I hate. Theres only like... 5 people that are actually understanding me right now. Everyone else thinks I'm just ae hopeless teenager with hormonal imbalance making her seem more suicidal then usual...

I noticed noone ever takes me serious when I tell them that I'm suicidal... lets put it this way...
Suicide attempts: 3
Scars made by myself: 8
Do you like rusty nails?: the big scar on my leg proves everything.
Pills are fun?: 23 hyperpills
Mixed with anything?: jack daniels whiskey (what you can find in your moms room is run, isn't it?)
Do I like doing this to myself: So much.

Yep. hyperpills and some liquor does the trick anytime... That was my last attempt in Febuary... in the hospital for 3 days getting my stomach pumped. Not saying I'm planning anything. I have a few things to settle before I actually do anything. I probably won't do anything. I just want the pity. That's it.... pity me, okay? I live off pity. I have some kind of lust for it. Damnit... I sound like a vampire in heat now....

Wait... why the hell am I telling you people this. The only person who knows about this is my neighbor-chan.

Okay... thats 6 people that actually understand me, and want to join my killing spree one day in the future...

Onto better/Happier news....

I got on MSN for a bit on one of my old sns and talked to an old friend. She's 28 now... WOWIE how time flies... Michi and Nikki have a freakish resemblence to each other....

Nikki is one of my good friends. She was trying to help me feel better. I've need to fume for 5 hours now. She was there and she didn't mind at all. her words of advice: "People are pricks... always... expecially men... don't trust men... trust women.... women are better... they have tits... well... men can have them too... but thats nasty.... women are better.... you can get fr.... wait... you still like women... right?"

That passage made me giggle Oo; yes.... SHES GAY.... and still... looking like Michi... I told her the truth on my sexual prefernce... (Which will stay to Nikki and myslf for the time being) I'm bored, tired, pissed, depressed, aggravated, AND then happy for whats happening this weekend. Thats the only thing I'm happy about. Everything else has had me go into like... freakish.... depression mode. I hate writing bout my depression. I just decided..... "Hey.... at least 4 of you started it.... so..... now you get to suffer by me spamming your friends pages with this long and pointless crap." It's a logical thing. I mean... you 4 brought this upon yourselves... you all will pay, too. I dont know how... but I will avenge.... my... self.... >>;

Oh yeah... Alan Rickman.... IS HOT O_O; *stares at his pictures for abit longer* for some guy thats almost 60... he's like *__*; Gackt or Alan... Gackt or Alan..... hmmmm.... >>; Alan or shoe.... Alan.... or.... shoe... *think for a bit* Alan wins. I love Alan Rickman.... he is just.... ohhhhhh orgasmic? EWWW... NEVERMIND NO... NO NO NO NO *twitches from the thought*

I'm not going to talk about what I'm pissed about... I'm going to talk about what pisses me off tho.
1. Using me for your own fun
2. Making bets on how long I can last on anything
3. Teasing me on anything
4. Saying things when you don't mean it
5. Constant lying... i hate that the most.
6. Being an Assrammer...
7. Bryan
8. Amanda Heino's slutness
9. Sluts in general
10. People 2 facing me
11. People talking about me.
12. Calling me a Freak.
13. Devil Worshipper.
14. Freak..
15. I hate a lot of things... so I'll end it here...

On with more news... I might be planning to leave chat and stuff again... due to well... you 4 people... it's your fault like I said. I did nothing to make this discision... You all made your assumptions on how I felt about things.... and I hate when things spread from one person to another... and you 4 fucking should know who you are... I'm going to leave that subject there. From here on out... I'm going to act like it never happened... I'll try to hold back any tears. I do it all the time except for tonight. Tonight was my pity night... getting it out of my system for today's niceness planned.... niceness my ass. When I come home from school later... I'll find 50 comments from the 4 people bitching on how this is personal and I shouldn't be talking about it now.. and If you comment and your not one of those 4 people... I'm going to laugh.... cause you must have done something behind my back to make you feel like you were one of these eeeevilness who did this to me.

Anyways.. I'm going to try to get in a nap... Night.... kinda...

A poem by Kara... which I adore

2002-11-04T04:05:14Z

Zenith

All the questions needing answers
But you don't seem to comprehend
Couldn't give an explaination
Don't break the bitter ends
Enough of petty foolishness
Forget the given rights
Grace before the empty pathway
Hovering into night
If neverness is nothing new
Just nevermind the neverness
Kill the stars in blackened twilight
Leave behind your tender kiss
Matter not the misshapend
Nodd your head
Open the forgotten doorway
Pull back those who once have lead
Question only the actions taken
Realize it will come crashing down
Shadows over the rain that falls
Try not to frown
Under the confusion
Very carefully peel back the skin
Whisper all your guilty wants
Xanthic surroundings draw you in
Yeild not to reach the outside
Zenith

I'm going to bed now -.-...

O________O!!~

2002-11-04T01:58:39Z

*inhales* oh.... MY GOD O_______________O!~

My mom... actually.... I PROBABLY GET TO SEE CAMI THIS WEEKEND, YESSSSSS *_____________________*; *screams with happyness*

... oh yes.. AND I BETTER SEE LILLEH THERE, TOO, CAM-CAM!!!!

XD This feeling is mixing with my depression... and masking it...

Easily put...

I'M SOOOO FUCKING HAPPY AT THIS MOMENT *___*;

...

2002-11-04T01:07:32Z

today could have been a good day. today could have been a good day. today could have been a good day. today could have been a good day. today could have been a good day. today could have been a good day. today could have been a good day. today could have been a good day. today could have been a good day.

today is not a good day. *due to recent events of course...*

... Fucking shit...

2002-11-04T00:25:22Z

Okaaay, AIM hates me dearly... SO, why bother staying fucking online tonight? I'm not going to bother...

I seriously act not like my age when I'm like this...

Depression sucks....

Nicole... bring me back to your house... I'm already back into hell... called my life.

So... I'm going to hide under my blankets on my bed while trying to focus on other things rather than what thoughts I'm trying to get out of my head for the rest of the night.

If AIM ever does decided to like me... I might come back on... probably won't tho... I'm too pissed... and fucking depressed so I want to be left alone.

OMG >__>;

2002-11-02T18:26:52Z

Take the Malice Mizer personality test by
Mania and Dementia!

o____o;@that quiz being soooooo true for some reason

Eh

2002-11-02T07:54:28Z

my mood is set for the night...

... pfft... I'm going to bed.

O_o;;;

2002-10-31T14:09:42Z

>__>; after searching around my computer... I looked through my mp3s... HOLY SHIT I HAVE A BUNCH OF THEM. Only 2 of them are in english. All the rest of them are in Japanese and Korean O__o

BoA - Listen To My Heart
BoA - Love Hurts
BoA - No.1 (Japanese version)
BoA - VALENTI
Dir en Grey - Ain't Afraid to Die
Dir en grey - GARDEN
Gackt - Noah
Gackt - Lu:na
Gackt - wa-su-re-na-i-ka-ra
Gackt - Soleil
Gackt - Speed Master
Gackt- -Fragrance
Gackt - death wish
Gackt - Doomsday
Gackt - Missing
Gackt - rain
Gackt - ANOTHER WORLD
Gackt - memories
GLAY - Yuuwaku
I've - Fuck Me
V6 - CHANGE THE WORLD
dream - My will
Kagrra - ao no souretsu
Kagrra - Nue no Naku Goro
Kagrra - seiyuki
Kagrra - yousai
Kagrra - Shiroi mashu
Kana - momo
Lee Jung Hyun - Bahn
Lee Jung Hyun - Mi Chyu
Lee Jung Hyun - Pyung Hwa
Madeth Gray'll - Entith de marge
Madeth Gray'll - missantroop
Malice Mizer - Bel Air
Malice Mizer - Garnet
Malice Mizer - Garnet (short)
Malice Mizer - Kioku to Sora (Gackt)
Malice Mizer - Kioku to Sora (Tetsu)
Malice Mizer - Kioku to Sora (Klaha)
Malice Mizer - Ma Cherie (Tetsu)
Malice Mizer - Ma Cherie (Gackt)
Malice Mizer - Ma Cherie (Klaha)
Malice Mizer - No pains no gains
Moi Dix Mois - Angel (live)
Psycho le Cemu - Broker
Psycho le Cemu - Murder - Death - Kill
Psycho le Cemu - ?????S
Utada Hikaru Feat. Foxy Brown - Blow My Whistle
Wei? Kreuz - Piece of Heaven
Weiss Kreuz - Velvet Underworld
X-Japan - Blue Blood
X-Japan - Crucify My Love
X-Japan - Forever Love
X-Japan - Orgasm

O__o;;..!@alllll those songs

Bleh -.-

2002-10-31T01:47:25Z

I'm to tired... which sucks.

So...

I'm going to sleep for awhile...

Love, I'll be back at 11 or 12, k?

jrawker @ 2002-10-30T17:53:00

2002-10-30T23:52:24Z

how would you commit suicide?

I'm Toshiya!

I just woke up.... joy... -.-... I'm sick... I feel like shit... I'm hurting everywhere... funnn....

.. FUCK YOU YOU GOD DAMNED COMPUTER >

2002-10-30T08:57:32Z

I'm trying to type my god damned Bio paper... AND MY COMP CRASHES EVERYTIME I GET 2 FUCKING SENTENCES DOWN. I'm this close to like... bashing this thing with a baseball bat. I'm pissed. Soooo very pissed. If it keeps up, why bother? I mean, seriously, I have no god damned idea why I bother with this thing. I can't a decent convo with ANYONE then it crashes.

I have a strange love towards this 2 year old... I want kids now because of that -___-.... *twitches from saying that*

If you've known me since I was..... 5.... I made the vow I'd never think about having a kid. Broke my vow.... now I die x_o;

Who's actually reading this boring shit I'm typing. Whats the point if I'm going to type a long post on how I can hate myself, hate my friends, like my enemies?

-I also hate Alex Seminary for his nice crack on me.... I'm now "The Almighty, evil and demonic demon of destruction and death, Satan"

Joy.....